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MR. CIGARRETE ON TRIAL

CHARACTERS:

NEWS REPORTER

JUDGE

MR. CIGARRETTE

BAILIFF

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY

DEFENSE ATTORNEY

PREGNANT WOMAN

SMOKER

AUDIENCE

SCRIPT:

ACT I – IN COURT

(The News Reporter talks in front of a TV camera.  At center, facing audience, is platform with table and chair where the Judge is seated.  A gavel lies on the table. At right of Judge there is a chair for witnesses, facing audience. At right and left, there are two tables with chairs where Prosecuting Attorney and Defense Attorney are seated. The Witnesses – The Smoker and the Pregnant Woman are seated among the audience.  The Bailiff is standing beside a door)

NEWS REPORTER: Today’s trial opens against Mr. Cigarrette.  He is accused of thousands of deaths in the last decades.

JUDGE: (to Bailiff) Bailiff, bring in the defendant.  (The Bailiff exits and reenters immediately, holding Mr. Cigarrette by the arm) Please come forward (Mr. Cigarrette goes to front of court, facing the Judge) Mr. Cigarrette, you are charged with the deaths of thousands of people, and health problems like heart disease, stroke, emphysema, many types of cancer, and pregnancy problems.  These are serious charges. How do you plead; guilty or not guilty?.

MR. CIGARRETTE: Not guilty!. Your Honour.

JUDGE: (To Bailiff) take the defendant to his seat. ( The Bailiff takes Mr. Cigarrete to sit beside Defense Attorney, facing the Judge).   (To Prosecuting and Defense Attorney) Is the prosecution ready?.  Is the defense ready?.

PROSECUTING AND DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Yes, your Honour.

JUDGE: Prosecuting Attorney (Raps gavel) you may proceed!.

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: (Raising) Your Honour, it’s necessary and legal to terminate the life of Mr. Cigarrette, who is responsible for many premature deaths, and diseases to human beings. He contains more than four-thousand chemicals, including cyanide, lead, arsenic, and at least 60 cancer-causing compounds. And that’s not all.  Two compounds are especially harmful, the nicotine and carbon monoxide, cause lack of oxygen to the brain, miscarriages, heart attacks and strokes, premature aging, emphysema…

MR. CIGARRETTE: (Raising) That’s enough!. You’re lying!.

JUDGE: (Banging gavel on table) Silence and sit down!.

(Mr. Cigarrette sits)

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Thank you, your Honour. I have some witnesses.

JUDGE: Bring in your first witness.  (The Smoker carrying an oxygen tank stands in front of Judge)

BAILIFF: Please raise your right hand.  Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?.

SMOKER: (Raising his right hand) Yes, I do.

BAILIFF: Could you state your name to the court please

SMOKER: (coughing) Mi name is Joe Gooday.

JUDGE: Please, be seated.

(The Smoker sits in the chair for witnesses)

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: At what age did you start smoking?.

SMOKER: (coughing) I started smoking when I was ten years old.  I have been smoking for more than fifteen years.  Because of him (pointing to Mr. Cigarrete) I have emphysema. I can’t breath. I’m stuck to this oxygen tank!.   He ruined my life!.

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Is there something else you want to say?.

SMOKER: Yes. I used to work and do everything on my own, but now nothing is the same.  I can’t support my family or raise my only son . I can’t do anything, not even breath on my own!.  He is guilty!.

(The Audience start to talk )

JUDGE: Silence!.  Thank you very much, Mr. Gooday. You may be seated.  (Smoker leaves the chair for witnesses and sit among the audience). Next witness!.  (The Pregnant Woman stands in front of the Judge).

BAILIFF: Please raise your right hand.  Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?.

PREGNANT WOMAN: (Raising her right hand) Yes, I do.

BAILIFF: Could you state your name to the court, please.

PREGNANT WOMAN: Mi name is Rosemarie Saint.

JUDGE: Please, be seated.

(The Pregnant Woman sits in the chair for witnesses)

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: How old are you, Mrs. Saint?.

PREGNANT WOMAN: I’m thirty years old.

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Do you smoke?.

PREGNANT WOMAN: Not anymore.  I stopped smoking when I found out that I was expecting a child, and I hope it wasn’t too late!.

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: What do you have to say about the accused?.

PREGNANT WOMAN: (crying) It’s his fault that my baby isn’t developing properly in my womb.  The doctor said it can be born prematurely, with a birth defect, or with other complications.  We shouldn’t expose our babies to Mr. Cigarrette’s dangerous chemicals.

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Why not, Mrs. Saint?.

PREGNANT WOMAN: Because they can diminish the amount of oxygen our babies get.  I feel so terrible!.

JUDGE: Thank you very much, you may be seated.  (The Pregnant Woman leaves the chair for witnesses and sit among the audience). The Defense Attorney may proceed.

(The Defense  Attorney stands up)

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Thank you, your Honour.  I’m really surprised of what I have heard today in this court of law!.  How can you all accuse  Mr. Cigarrette after everything he has done for many of you?.  Look at him, he is so little and insignificant.  Don’t you feel sorry for him?.   He’s so charming, generous, kind, uncapable of doing any harm to anybody.  Many of you when smoking at a party, have felt big and powerful, happy, and secure.  Teenagers feel cool when they smoke!. He relieves stress, anxiety and depression. In other words, he  helps people to relax!.  Oh, and there are many songs about Mr. Cigarrete!.  He has sponsored many sports events, concerts, and has even appeared in many t.v commercials, magazines, and has been a guest in many famous movies!.

(The Prosecuting Attorney stands up)

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: It’s a shame that all those individuals and companies have sponsored Mr. Cigarrette!.  All they want is money, they don’t care about health.

JUDGE: (Banging gavel on table) Silence!.  You are not allowed to speak!.  Sit down!. ( the Prosecuting Attorney sits). (to the Defense Attorney) Continue, please.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Well, your Honour, as I was saying, there are many benefits about smoking so I have nothing else to say.

JUDGE: Do you have any witnesses?.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Excuse me?.  Witnesses?.  They are not necessary!.  What for?.  Many people feel happy with Mr. Cigarrette.

(There is silence in court)

NEWS REPORTER: (talking in front of the camera) Ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes the Judge will declare if Mr. Cigarrette is guilty or innocent.

BAILIFF: All rise!.

(Everybody rise)

JUDGE: (Banging gavel on table) Mr. Cigarrette, this court finds you guilty of causing premature deaths worldwide, for leading to diseases affecting the heart and lungs, and for being a significant factor in miscarriages among pregnant smokers.  All the people you have affected, were fine human beings and with a promising future.  You have caused them, and all their family members and friends enormous grief.  As punishment, you are sentenced to Immediate Disappearance starting right now.

MR. CIGARRETTE: ¡No!. I’m innocent!. I’m innocent!. (The Bailiff handcuffs Mr. Cigarrete and both leave)

NEWS REPORTER: (Talking in front of the camera) Please, stop smoking, or your life will turn into… smoke.

THE END

Author: Adriana Guadalupe Garcia Cortez

Adapted by: K I D S I N C O

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