One Bad Burger

20th May 2012

Posted By Kidsinco

Categorized Under: 08 characters, Playscripts

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Click here to read this playscript in Spanish: UNA MALA HAMBURGESA

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© ONE BAD BURGER

CHARACTERS:

NONA

EMILY

CHARLY

PHILIP

LISA

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER

POLICE OFFICER 1

POLICE OFFICER 2

SCRIPT:

ACT I – IN THE KITCHEN

(Nona is in the kitchen washing the dishes. Emily, Charly, Philip, and Lisa enter. Emily has a paper bag with hamburgers. Nona turns around)

NONA: What took you so long?.

PHILIP: That place was crowded!.

(They sit around the table)

**EMILY: (she puts the bag with the hamburgers on the table)Yeah, then there was a traffic jam. It’s so hard to go out on a Friday night!.**

LISA: Did you see that guy’s face when the clerk spilled lemonade all over him?.

PHILIP: (while talking he stands, opens the refrigerator and takes out five cans of soda. He puts them in the center of the table. Each one of them take a can of soda, open it, and start to drink. Nona hands out the hamburgers. They start to eat ). He was furious when he saw his iPhone all wet!.

EMILY: Who wouldn’t be?. I bet that clerk is out on the streets by now!.

CHARLY: I’m so hungry!.

**EMILY: (chewing) Mmmm delicious!.**

CHARLY: So, are we gonna go to the movies tonight?.

PHILIP: Yeah, let’s go see The Hunger Games.

LISA: What is it about?.

PHILIP: I won’t tell you, but it’s a good movie.

EMILY: Good movie?. This is by far the best movie this year!.

LISA: My cousin told me it’s pretty much the same story as Running Man.

EMILY: Nothing compares to Hunger Games!.

LISA: OK, but what is it about?.

CHARLY: Basically, the place that used to be North America is now a place called Panem. There used to be 13 districts until all came together against the capitol.

**PHILIP: (to Nona) What’s wrong Nona?.**

NONA: It’s the hamburger. It tastes funny!.

EMILY: Mine is soooo good!.

CHARLY: Mine too. It’s so juicy!.

PHILIP: These are the best hamburgers in town!.

LISA: Definitely!.

NONA: The burger is not good!. (she stands up and picks up the phone and dials a number)

PHILIP: Who are you calling?.

NONA: I’m calling that fast food restaurant. What’s its name?.

EMILY: Leo’s Grill.

NONA: (furious) Whatever!. (she starts to talk on the phone) Hello…yes, this is Nona Baker, I live at 730 Violet Street…some of my friends just bought some hamburgers from your place, but mine is really bad…who knows what you put in it…and I am not going to eat it…(pause) What can you do for me? … I want my money back…that’s WHAT I WANT!. (pause) Tomorrow?. No! I can’t wait till tomorrow…If you don’t give me my money today, I’ll call the police…(pause) fine!. (hangs up the phone)

**PHILIP: (to Nona) You’re overreacting!.**

**LISA: (stands up) Sit down Nona, I’ll cook you something else.**

NONA: No. I’m calling the police!.

EMILY: I don’t think you should alert the authorities about a not to good hamburger!.

CHARLY: Ha, ha, ha, what if the meat contains pink slime?.

**LISA: (she sits) Charly, this is not a joke!.**

NONA: Yes, that’s it. It’s that pink slime everybody is talking about. It’s in the news everyday. Now more than ever I have to call the police!.

LISA: You’re being paranoic!.

**PHILIP: (sarcastically) Maybe you should call the health department first.**

EMILY: How do you feel Nona?. Do you feel nausea?. Do you want to throw up?.

NONA: No, at least not yet. But what if I had food poisoning?. What if you have to call an ambulance and take me to the hospital?. I’m calling 9-1-1 right now!. (she picks up the phone and dials 911)

CHARLY: Now we are gonna have a much bigger problem than taking one bite of a bad burger!.

NONA: It’s a nasty burger!.

LISA: Hang up the phone. You’re not dying!.

NONA: All I want is my money back TODAY!. Not tomorrow!.

**LISA: (takes money from her purse and gives it to Nona) If that’s all you want… there’s you’re money!. Now, SIT and let’s finish our meal!.**

NONA: No!.

EMILY: I really believe you’re abusing the 911 line.

CHARLY: Pleaseeeee, hang up the phone. It’s no big deal!.

NONA: This is an emergency, at least it is for me!.

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: You’re calling 9-1-1. Where is your emergency?.

NONA: Mam, can you please send a police officer to my house?.

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: What’s the address?.

NONA: 730 Violet Street. It’s behind the Public Library.

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: What is the emergency?.

NONA: I can hardly hear you. Can you please speak louder!.

**VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: (yelling) What is the emergency?.**

NONA: My friends bought some hamburgers at Leo’s Grill, but mine is no good, it tastes funny. I called the restaurant but the lady told me to bring it back and I would get my money back but until tomorrow. I’m really hungry right now. It was a hard long day at work, and all I wanted was to chat and have dinner with my friends. To tell you the truth, I really blame it on the pink slime.

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: Please give me your full name and phone number.

NONA: My name is Nona Baker, and my phone number is 774-95-96.

VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: Can you please remain in your house. An officer will arrive shortly.

**NONA: Sure mam, I’m not going anywhere until my problem is solved. (she hangs up the phone). (to her friends) See, that was easy. An officer is on his way!.**

EMILY: (angry) Nona, the fact that Leo’s Grill would not issue you a refund today is not an emergency. The nasty burger was no threat on your life, you were not injured…. no emergency!. If you want to have a complaint, call the corporate office of the restaurant!.

LISA: She’s right. You should have called the customer service line if you were unhappy with your burger, not 9-1-1.

PHILIP: It’s too late for that.

LISA: Now all of us are in big trouble.

(The door bell rings)

CHARLY: Those must be the boys in blue.

(Nona opens the door)

POLICE OFFICER 1: Miss Nona Baker?.

NONA: That’s me officer.

**POLICE OFFICER 2: (handcuffs Nona) You are under arrest for misusing the 9-1-1 system for a fast food meal.**

NONA: What?.

POLICE OFFICER 1: (walks away with Nona) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an …

(They leave the stage)

LISA: Did that really happen?.

EMILY: Wow!. That was a one bad burger.

CHARLY: I wonder if they have better burgers in jail.

PHILIP: Maybe they do,who knows.

LISA: Well, that solved her problem. Are we still going to see that movie?.

CHARLY: Yeah, why not?. Let’s go!.